apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
