Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
