omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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