she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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