she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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