I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
