i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
