Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
