apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
