The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
