My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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