He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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