I want to have your abortion
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
