youre lurking in front of me
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
