Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
