The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
