Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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