just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
