I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
