Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
