What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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