where am i from again
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
