If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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