I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
