Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
