I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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