Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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