also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
