he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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