Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
