Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
