I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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