best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You can't just leave with hair like that
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
