I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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