If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
