I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
