So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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