scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
