Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
