Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Randomize
