shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
