I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
