thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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