you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
