Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
