Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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