That's when you crack a 10am beer
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
