What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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