Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
