the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
