My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
