Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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