do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
