you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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