I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
