You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
