went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
