Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
