My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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