She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
