How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize