: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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