Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
