In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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