week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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