im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
