He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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