When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize