I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
