Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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