How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just cropdusted the office
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Someone signed my nipple.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
