one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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