If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
