he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
