Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
