he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
