OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Randomize