I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
