Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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