dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
All I want is dick and wine.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
